Diet culture is all around us in general society, and unfortunately the same is true in the wedding industry. A poll from Hitched.co.uk of 1009 users showed that 84% felt pressure to lose weight for their wedding day.
Diet culture relates to cultural beliefs around weight, morality and health, and teaches us that thinness is something to strive for. Within diet culture, it is seen as the norm to be dieting and attempting to be smaller. Alongside diet culture comes anti-fatness, or fatphobia. The wonderful Aubrey Gordon here describes her move away from the term fatphobia, and why she uses anti-fatness or anti-fat bias instead. She discusses how, similarly to the terms homophobia, xenophobia etc, the use of “phobia” in fatphobia conflates bigotry and oppression with genuine mental illnesses, and can increase the stigma that those with mental illnesses already encounter. Additionally, most people who engage in discriminating against, ridiculing, mocking or harming fat people are not afraid of them, and their behaviour should not be legitimised as a fear. Aubrey uses the terms anti-fatness and anti-fat bias, and defines them as “the attitudes, behaviours, and social systems that specifically marginalize, exclude, underserve, and oppress fat bodies.”
In this blog post, I will highlight some ways the wedding industry engages in anti-fatness, and suggest ways to improve it.
Size inclusivity
These days, most wedding clothes shops will carry “plus” sizes, however not all do. People above a size 18 will likely already know the additional mental work needed to find clothes that will fit - having to check online or call a shop beforehand to see if your body will be catered to, your sizes being relegated to the back of the shop or display, everything being a certain style - peplum, off the shoulder, tunic style, black or vertical stripes due to them being considered “flattering”.
Shops may charge additional costs for sizes over 18, financially penalising people for their body, or only have smaller sizes in stock, making anyone in an over-size 18 body feel unwelcome. Wedding clothes, in particular dresses, are also often cut smaller than other clothing, so someone who normally wears an 18 or 20, would likely need a size 22 or 24. Stores will often only carry some sample sizes, not a full range. If a dress is too big for you, it can be clipped to show you how it would look in the correct size. If a dress is too small, there isn’t really a way to try it on.
As a society, we are bombarded with this supposedly amazing, life-defining moment of trying on THE wedding outfit in front of family and friends, champagne in hand, feeling better than we ever have. We see it in films, TV, and read about it in books. However, If the shop doesn’t have anything in your size, nothing fits right as it's been “scaled up” this adds extra pressure, anxiety and stress to the moment. This moment that we have been taught to look forward to ends up disappointing.
(Scaled up is where a brand or designer makes their clothes in one size and then scales up for larger sizes without accounting for the proportions or needs of larger bodies. For example, an item that has its size increased in the stomach area for a fat body may not need larger shoulder room than the smaller size).
Staff in wedding clothes shops
Unfortunately, you don’t have to look far to find examples of wedding clothing shop staff being rude to their fat customers, or assuming that they must want to lose weight. In this article, a bride describes how her wedding dress supplier ordered a smaller size than the one she requested, expecting her to lose weight. Again, this makes those shopping in larger bodies feel unwelcome, and that their body is a problem.
Venues
Venues, like individuals, also contribute to anti-fatness. They may have narrow doorways or corridors, and fixed or fragile chairs which can’t accommodate larger bodies. These are often inaccessible to other bodies too, people who use wheelchairs or mobility scooters, or are pregnant, for example.
The venues may not publicise their seating details, such as the width of their chairs and whether the arms can be moved, or offer alternatives. This puts the onus onto the person in a larger body to instigate these conversations, which can be uncomfortable, or possibly worry about the seating until the event.
Venues might also highlight “skinny”, “light” or “low calorie” wedding food options, or use diet culture terminology such as “guilt-free” or “indulgent”. This language reinforces the harmful moralisation of food, pitching them as inherently “good” or “bad” leading to shame, restriction and judgment.
Representation
As in traditional media, bodies of size are significantly underrepresented in wedding media. Whether it's adverts, magazines, blogs, social media or styled shoots, the overwhelming majority of wedding content features white, able-bodied, slim, cisgender and heterosexual couples. If “curve” models are shown, they are often small-fat bodies which still fit societal definitions of beauty - an hourglass figure, with a small waist, rather than a round stomach.
The same Hitched poll mentioned earlier revealed that 85% of people polled had been comparing themselves to others online since becoming engaged, while 51% felt their body type was underrepresented in wedding media. Research consistently links comparison to poor body image, while seeing yourself represented can increase self-esteem for marginalised individuals, and provide support and validation.
This lack of representation matters because as the well-known phrase goes, “you cannot be what you cannot see”. By not seeing themselves in wedding imagery and content, it reinforces harmful stereotypes and tropes and diminishes a sense of belonging. As Lindy West wrote in 2014 “Being fat and happy and in love in public is still a radical act”.
Weight loss marketing to to-be-weds
We are told that weight loss is something that we should be engaging in by society, by venues, by media, by clothes designers, and often by friends, family and acquaintances. Weight loss is seen as an essential part of preparing for your wedding. In this study, it was found that more than 10% of participants had been told by others that they should lose weight for their wedding. Both brides and bridesmaids viewed looking good on the wedding day as extremely important, and as Alex Light describes in this article, the expectation of looking your best in our society means looking thin.
Whether it's bridal boot camp hen parties, weight loss products at wedding fairs, wedding-specific diet books, wedding colonics (even couples colonics!) or weight loss competition discussions on wedding forums, there are countless ways that the diet industry is capitalising on the pressure to slim down for a wedding.
Popular social media hashtags include “shredding for the wedding”, “no quitting ‘til the fitting”, “slimming down for the gown”, “slimming bride”, “sweating for the wedding”, “bride bod” and “wedding diet”. A soon-to-be-married person doesn't need to look far, or even actively search, to come across this kind of content.
As with most weight- and image-based societal pressures, much of the focus falls on women—particularly brides in the wedding sphere (as can be seen in the above hashtags). This isn’t to say that others are free from expectations to look a certain way. Individuals with intersecting marginalised identities, such as trans, non-binary, disabled people, and people of colour, often face compounded and heightened oppression. However, the emphasis largely remains on cisgender, heterosexual women—thanks, of course, to patriarchy, sexism, and capitalism. Anti-fatness, and other forms of oppression such as racism, sexism, ableism, and cis-heteronormativity, alongside capitalism amongst others, work in tandem to reinforce each other and sustain systemic inequalities.
What can suppliers do to avoid perpetuating anti-fatness & diet culture
Have a wide range of clothing options, and make this clear on your social media/website etc. Don’t make people put in loads of research to find out if they will be catered to.
Include people of different shapes and sizes in marketing and advertising (and all other types of diversity!). However, also ensure that your products, services and approach are accessible to the groups of people that you use in your ads, otherwise you will appear tokenistic.
Train staff on size diversity and inclusivity, and make them aware of how inappropriate and harmful it can be to initiate diet, weight or appearance-related conversations.
If you see diet culture, anti-fat and appearance-related messaging in the industry, call it out. Anti-fatness harms all of us, it can’t be left to only fat people to critique. See a honeymoon travel agency posting about how to “get in shape” for a honeymoon? Tell them that’s not cool! See a weight-loss surgery/supplement stand at a wedding fair? Let the organisers know how inappropriate that is. See a caterer describe their canapes as “guilt-free”? Ask them why they think anybody should feel guilty for (shock, horror) eating.
Remove harmful appearance, weight or diet-related messaging from physical spaces, websites, social media etc (for example, showcasing shapewear as an essential, marking certain items as “flattering”, “hiding problem areas” or “forgiving”, describing “flattering” angles, or mentioning weight loss in countdowns/planners)
Have mannequins of multiple different sizes and shapes.
Display messaging and signage that showcases your beliefs that diversity is wonderful, that you don’t need to alter yourself for your wedding, that all bodies are welcome etc.
Make clear what seating options you have, and any height or width restrictions in your seats, hallways, changing rooms etc. Think about alternatives that you could provide for different bodies, needs and abilities.
Educate yourselves and be willing to take on board feedback. If someone tells you that your business/space/service did not feel accessible or welcoming to them, take this seriously. If you feel defensive, that is on you and not on them.
Resources
Fearing the Black Body by Sabrina Strings - an important and eye opening book that details the history of anti-fatness, particularly as it relates to Black women. This book shows how anti-fatness did not begin from fears about health, or through medical discoveries, but with racist views from the Enlightenment period.
What We Don’t Talk About When We Talk About Fat by Aubrey Gordon - a great, accessible book that challenges myths about bodies, health and fatness.
Belly of the Beast: The Politics of Anti-Fatness as Anti-Blackness by Da’Shaun L. Harrison - a book that discusses anti-fatness as anti-blackness, and explores the intersections of fatness, Blackness, disability, and gender. Strategies are offered to help you begin to unlearn your biases and fight back against inequalities.
Maintenance Phase podcast - an informative and often very funny podcast hosted by Aubrey Gordon and Michael Hobbes. They explain scientific research, policy and news in an accessible way, and critically examine a whole range of subjects like wellness scams, detox diets and BMI.
Laura Thomas PhD - weight-inclusive Registered Nutritionist - website, newsletter and podcast - Laura writes and speaks about nutrition and health through a non-diet lens, incorporating social justice perspectives and an awareness of societal oppression and its influence on health and nutrition advice.
* a note on language. Taking the lead from many greats from the fat activism/fat liberation sphere, such as Cat Pausé, Charlotte Cooper, Aubrey Gordon and Ragen Chastain, I use “fat” as a neutral descriptor, and a positive reclamation. Not all higher-weight individuals self-describe as fat, and that is a-okay, everyone has the right to determine the correct language for themselves. For myself, I have reclaimed the term and wear it proudly, after years of shame and attempting to be smaller.
If you are interested in why someone might prefer to be called fat rather than “plump”, “curvy” or “full-figured”, I highly recommend this article by Aubrey Gordon.
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